We are talking through the Psalms of Lament during our season of Lent in church. It's been pretty thought provoking stuff and it's made me assess my own lament's. I chose to write a letter since I'm no poet. Here you have it.
Dear God,
I don’t always want you around. It’s nothing personal, I just want my space. I’m not really comfortable with the idea of somebody knowing me completely. I’ve been thinking about how to convince you of this. It’s just not practical for you to be with me every second, of every day. I’m sure you have much more important things to do with your time than hang out with me. You are supposed to be a pretty big deal after all. It’s great to know you are around when I’m having a good time and things seem to be perfectly in their place but is it so wrong to want and even demand a bit of privacy when things aren’t? Especially when it seems that you could do so much to improve those situations but I can’t really tell what you are doing. It can seem, if I’m not being too presumptuous, that sometimes you just sit and watch things happen to me rather than doing something to help. You say that you know what’s happening and that you are concerned with my life and you claim to know ridiculously small details about me that frankly, even I don’t know. If that’s the case, why don’t you just fix me. Why do you let me go through some of the stuff that you have. I think I would be happier sometimes with some completely random, superficial, dare I say, empty relationships than I am with you and your constant presence. When I see you as I hang out with those “other friends”, it scares me. I know you aren’t happy about it. You tell me all the time that they are nothing but bad news and I should leave them. Truth is that I’ve tried to walk away, sometimes from them, and sometimes from you. I’ve tried to sneak out. I’ve gone places that I “know” you wouldn’t go, only to see you there. I’ve confronted you, I’ve lashed out physically and emotionally. I’ve screamed obscenities at you, just to drive you away only to see you stay. Sometimes, I don’t see you right away, and I “hope” that somehow it worked and you missed what just happened. Then, of course, I get mad that you left. Whenever I look closer though, I see that I was wrong and you were there the whole time. You say you won’t ever leave me because you love me and if you left, you would be abandoning me. You try to hold me to some “higher standard” and tell me that you value me more than anything. Maybe I’m beginning to believe you. While your actions don’t make a lot of sense to me, I also don’t see you wasting your time on empty things. Maybe you somehow know that your point gets proven when you don’t stop me from my stupidity. After all, it’s never more clear than after I run, that I am a whore, but you are faithful. You really are faithful and I am thankful for that. Forgive my arrogance, my anger, and my doubt.
Jon
I don’t always want you around. It’s nothing personal, I just want my space. I’m not really comfortable with the idea of somebody knowing me completely. I’ve been thinking about how to convince you of this. It’s just not practical for you to be with me every second, of every day. I’m sure you have much more important things to do with your time than hang out with me. You are supposed to be a pretty big deal after all. It’s great to know you are around when I’m having a good time and things seem to be perfectly in their place but is it so wrong to want and even demand a bit of privacy when things aren’t? Especially when it seems that you could do so much to improve those situations but I can’t really tell what you are doing. It can seem, if I’m not being too presumptuous, that sometimes you just sit and watch things happen to me rather than doing something to help. You say that you know what’s happening and that you are concerned with my life and you claim to know ridiculously small details about me that frankly, even I don’t know. If that’s the case, why don’t you just fix me. Why do you let me go through some of the stuff that you have. I think I would be happier sometimes with some completely random, superficial, dare I say, empty relationships than I am with you and your constant presence. When I see you as I hang out with those “other friends”, it scares me. I know you aren’t happy about it. You tell me all the time that they are nothing but bad news and I should leave them. Truth is that I’ve tried to walk away, sometimes from them, and sometimes from you. I’ve tried to sneak out. I’ve gone places that I “know” you wouldn’t go, only to see you there. I’ve confronted you, I’ve lashed out physically and emotionally. I’ve screamed obscenities at you, just to drive you away only to see you stay. Sometimes, I don’t see you right away, and I “hope” that somehow it worked and you missed what just happened. Then, of course, I get mad that you left. Whenever I look closer though, I see that I was wrong and you were there the whole time. You say you won’t ever leave me because you love me and if you left, you would be abandoning me. You try to hold me to some “higher standard” and tell me that you value me more than anything. Maybe I’m beginning to believe you. While your actions don’t make a lot of sense to me, I also don’t see you wasting your time on empty things. Maybe you somehow know that your point gets proven when you don’t stop me from my stupidity. After all, it’s never more clear than after I run, that I am a whore, but you are faithful. You really are faithful and I am thankful for that. Forgive my arrogance, my anger, and my doubt.
Jon
